Part III: What Happens a Cappella? (Chapter 51)

Auntie hates fat people.

She pretends to like her fat friends, but she pokes fun at them behind their backs. I hate when she does that, it’s so embarrassing.

Take Hilda Grove. It’s always, “Hilda weighs 300 pounds,” “Hilda lost 50 pounds but gained it all back,” “Hilda ate three enchiladas, can you imagine?”

Then she talks about how weak-minded Hilda is.

“If she really wanted to lose weight and keep it off, she’d just do it,” Auntie says.

I hate the “staring parties.” Auntie invites all her so-called sophisticated friends just to watch Hilda eat. And when she goes home, they all talk about her. It’s so grotty. I don’t like when people watch me eat. I just get all creepy inside.

I’ve met Hilda a few times. She’s a nice woman who digs Auntie. I don’t think she knows that Auntie’s being so mean. Auntie’s always warning me about her, like maybe I’ll turn into a blob someday.

So, what.

I just wish she’d get off my back about this diet stuff. It’s bad enough hearing it from Nana all the time.

Speaking of Nana, she’s mad at me today. Says I’m just playing sick to hook out of school. I didn’t feel so good today. I got cramps in third period business math and almost passed out going to the Dean of Women. I don’t think she believed me, but it’s the truth.

I called Nana. By the time we got home, I was feeling better, and I made a big bowl of buttered popcorn. Natch, Nana says I’m nothing but a hypo-something.

She doesn’t understand my periods are so bad sometimes I think I’m going to puke. Dr. MacCormack says it’s because I’m too fat.

What does he know, anyway, that dirty old bone cracker?

I hate him.

I hate my family and wish they would die and leave me alone. I wish I’d die.

As Pappa says, “That’ll learn ‘em.”

Today was a good day to hook out of school. On Days of Our Lives, Susan Martin shot and killed husband David. Creepy. I was hoping that David and Julie would get married and raise David’s son.

Instead, the baby died.

Now it looks like Susan’s going to jail. I wonder how long the trial will take?

Maybe it’ll last through summer vacation. That would be so groovy.

Why is it that no one on TV is fat?