Part V: Snakes – (Chapter 83)

I should be excited about graduation, but I’m SO scared.

What am I going to do with my life? A month from now, I’ll be heading for California, and then what? I can’t think of any office job that doesn’t make me want to gag.

I can’t type for nothin’ or take dictation.

I’ve got no skills, not the kind employers want.

Is it too late to apply to the Chicago Institute of Art?

Sister Lucia says I’m good enough, that she’d write me a letter of recommendation, but I never got around to applying. And, right now, she’s totally pissed off at me – I’ve just got to get going on that last painting – so I can’t ask her for nothing, not until I finish up my work.

Besides, I never took my ACT’s.

I’m sure they’re required at the Institute.

Oh, Christ. How did I get in this pickle, anyway? Where’s the last four years gone? It seemed like they moved so slow, but now that I’m about to graduate, they just seem to have zipped by.

I really dig Mr. Kirk because he includes everyone, even dunderheads like me, but I love Sister Lucia – she sees something special in me.

I’m going to miss her – I’d consider spending another year in high school, if only I could spend the entire day in Sister Lucia’s classroom.

I could just paint all day and not worry about a thing.

Then, maybe, I would be ready for the Institute.

I’d even take my ACT’s –

I promise I wouldn’t cut this time.

But school doesn’t work that way; once you’re finished, they give you the old boot, as Pappa says, out into the cold cruel world.

God, I’m not ready...

*

You’ll be okay, Samantha Anne Mallory, no matter what, you have a good eye for color and design – that’s important – but you also have that something special, I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I know it when I see it. You have a different way of looking at the world – most people would paint an oval face, but you just jumped right in and drew an octagon face, and it seemed right for that painting. When the other kids tried copying you, it just wasn’t right, but you made it right. I can’t teach that kind of thing, no one can, not even at the Institute. But they can nurture you there, offer you access to the finest teachers and the best facilities and supplies. In a few years, you could even surpass my ability. But I don’t mind; I’m not here on this earth to promote my own talent. I’m here to nurture young people into doing the best that they can with their God-given abilities. I paint for the glory of God, and you could too. I just wish you had more ambition, that you didn’t lolly-gag so much, but if you can overcome your laziness, you could make your mark in the world. A natural talent like yours comes along once in a blue moon – I don’t remember the last time someone like you showed up in my classroom, maybe never before, I’m just not sure if I can help you any further.

You need a master teacher, not a high school nun...

This piece lacks roundness, are you aware of that? I just don’t know, Miss Mallory, if this mass of squares, oblongs, hexagons, octagons, and trapezoids works. I would think that a few well-placed circles and loops might offer this painting some depth and dimension, but if you feel so strongly about avoiding roundness, then you must follow your excellent instincts. You might be onto something. Of course, there’s nothing new about monochromatic painting, but I am impressed how you have varied the tint of Prussian Blue, how the lack of other colors, except that streak of red, is somehow important to the soul of the work.

You truly understand how the absence of something makes its own statement.

Young lady, if you don’t apply to the Art Institute, then you are wasting what God has given you, and I would be very disappointed...

*

And so here I am, three weeks from graduation, and I’m not going anywhere important, certainly not to the Chicago Institute of Art.

Just another bloatus blossom with nowhere to go...