Part IV: Spin – (Chapter 76)

“I wanted to give this to you earlier today,” Nana says, thrusting at me a torn and wrinkled envelope, one of those flimsy blue mailers with the blue and red “air mail” flags bordering it, a Special Delivery letter postmarked “Canoga Park, Calif. (date blurred).”

From Johnny Lawrence.

It takes only a few seconds for the contents of that letter to come flooding back.

I don’t really want to think about this letter, let alone actually hold it in my hands after ‒ how many years? Almost 30.

The thing should have been destroyed long ago.

“But I couldn’t find you,” Nana adds.

I can tell by her accusatory tone and frown that someone has snitched on Shel, Sal, and me, about our slipping away to the casino.

I feel more like a naughty five-year-old girl than the 40-year-old woman that I am. Even now, I can’t get much by Nana.

“It’s time for you to know some things about your mother,” Nana says, “and this letter sums it up pretty good.”

If she only knew...

“And don’t let no one else read it.”

“Okay,” I say, slipping the letter into my pocket.

“Destroy it when you’re finished,” Nana says, wagging her finger at me. “No need for that stuff to get in Nicole’s hands. Every generation needs its secrets.”

I want to tell Nana that I don’t want to read this letter either, not after all these years, but that part of me needs to hurt all over again, to feel the shock and anger of that cold Sunday afternoon.

Instead, I simply answer, “Yes, Nana.”

I look for a good hiding place, away from the curious eyes of my relatives.